SEVEN HUMAN COMEBACKS

Comebacks are not just about revival. The word also applies to clever retorts. Here are seven comebacks, kinder or cooler, or both.

1. DOROTHY PARKER ON CALVIN COOLIDGE: (upon being told the tight-lipped president was dead)

PARKER:  How can they tell?

2. CARY GRANT TO ANONYMOUS FAN:

FAN:  Gee, I wish I could be like Cary Grant.  Always so smooth, so stylish, always the right thing to say.

GRANT:  So do I.

3. “DOC” HOLIDAY TO JOHNNY RINGO: (Tombstone, Arizona)

RINGO:  They say you’re the gamest man in the Earp crowd, Doc.  I don’t need but three feet to do my fighting.  Here’s my handkerchief.  Take hold.

HOLLIDAY:  I’m your huckleberry.

4. GENERAL ANTHONY MCCAULIFFE TO THE GERMAN ARMY:    (Upon being asked to surrender at the Battle of the Bulge)

LT. COL NED MOORE:  “The Germans have sent some people forward to take our surrender, sir.”

GENERAL MCCAULIFFE:  Nuts!

5. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT TO HARRY TRUMAN (Moments after FDR’s death)

TRUMAN:  Is there anything I can do for you, Mrs. Roosevelt?

ELEANOR:  Is there anything I can do for you, Mr. President.  You’re the one who’s in trouble now.

6. JIM THORPE TO THE KING OF SWEDEN (presenting the gold medal in the decathlon and pentathlon)

KING:  You, sir, are the greatest athlete in the world.

THORPE:  Thanks, King.

7. NEIL ARMSTRONG TO MICHAEL COLLINS (2,000 miles above the lunar surface, piloting the Eagle toward the first moon landing)

COLLINS:  I think you've got a fine looking flying machine there, Eagle, despite the fact you're upside down.

ARMSTRONG: Somebody's upside down.

COLLINS: There you go. One minute 'til TIG. You guys take care.

ARMSTRONG: See ya later.