LINCOLN V. TR ON THE MAT

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What if Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln got in a wrestling match?

As presidential wrestling matchups go, this is a tough one.  Coolidge vs. JFK, no problem.  (JFK).  Taft vs. Wilson (Wilson, unless the enormous Taft pins him.)  Obama vs. Any President (Obama, except maybe George Washington in his prime.)  But Lincoln vs. TR?  Very hard to say because. . .

This battle of presidential titans pits height against girth, agility versus brawn.  Lincoln was a giant in his time. At 6’4, he remains our tallest president. 

TR was just 5’10 but 210 pounds of solid muscle.  Climbed the Matterhorn.  Rode 14 hours a day in the saddle.  Hunted, hiked, promoted and lived “the strenuous life.”  But could he pin a gangly rail splitter a half foot inches taller?

The bell rings. The two presidents stride onto the mat. Circling, they assess each other’s strengths. Sure, both are solid Republicans, but can either master a full nelson? A half nelson?

TR makes the first move. Diving for Lincoln’s legs, he grips tight and BAM! The 16th president of the United States is DOWNNNN!!!. He struggles, flails. Roosevelt climbs, climbs up that long torso seeking a quick pin. But Lincoln, one of our smartest presidents, is too quick for him. He slings both arms around Mr. Strenuous Life, barely circling Roosevelt’s enormous girth. He twists, groans, shoves. . .

Historians may disagree, but The Attic would bet on TR, if only for stamina and eternal youthfulness.  “You must remember,” one TR aide said, “that the president is about six.”  And while no one knows what Lincoln would have done after his presidency, Roosevelt went on African safaris and trekked down an unexplored river in Brazil.  Gave a speech AFTER being shot.  That kind of strength — of body and drive — would be hard to beat, even if you were Abraham Lincoln.